Any of you ever fallen down 87 flights of stairs?

ericB · 07-02-2003, 09:32 PM

Me either.

But 85?

Oh yeeeeaaahhhhh...I've been there.

It all starts so innocuously. You slip, bump your hip on the first step, and you think "That's gonna leave a mark....wonder if anyone saw me fall". You thank the good Lord that your Diet Dr. Pepper fell the opposite way, on the landing, and figure you can get the papers from your briefcase reassimilated with relative ease.

But when you bank off the wall and take the second flight, well, that's when the fear sets in. Not "Will I ever see my family again?" fear, but, "I've read about this" kind of fear. We all know some poor schlep who woke up in the middle of the night, attempted to go downstairs to get a glass of milk, fell down the steps, and, in the morning, was so dead the dogs ate his balls for breakfast without a second thought. That kind of fear.

By the 4th floor, and you're still alive, the fear subsides because, well, it's been 4 floors, and they're not going to be all that different from here on out. Your mindset is more of "What ISN'T going to be marked", and you also wonder if you'll go so far as to be completely nude at the end of your descent. By the sixth floor, your tie is off and your shirt is ripped.

15, it's always 15. "I ain't goin' out dis way", you think, tumbling. Anger ensues. "If I ever meet the person who first said 'Ass over Teakettle', I will fight them", you think, as gravity acts....well, gravely.

Spiraling through 16 and 17, the sight of your ear impaled on a thumbtacked poster makes you wince.

Thoughts of Mommy cutting your hair as a bawling six year old consumes floors 23 and 24, and you consider a small nap, as the anger has taken a backseat to thoughts of riding out the "delicate" cycle in your wife's dryer. Of course, you're still getting your hair cut by Mom in there. Things are really starting to meld together,including your knee and your eyeball.

You wonder what sort of speed you've amassed at around 35, and consider yourself a more modern day Chuck Yeager.

Floor 50 is where the analogies get pretty intense. The thought of your body sailing through the air, like an unwanted ham from a fourth floor apartment on Lombard Street in San Francisco comes to mind. You envy the fact the ham has no arms or legs, although it has endured the curing process. Touche', ham.

Hi, 64. Thanks for providing a happy home to the broken shards of fire extinguisher housing glass. Enjoy that arm.

75 and still alive, although you've taken more hits than Robin Ventura and Butterbean combined. You long for just the stairs, and loathe the walls. Damn the geometry. If you had a tongue, you'd chew gum to help break the cochleal pressure.

You fight the urge to sleep by realizing that your carcass sounds almost exactly like a full bladder slapping up against an unfinished wall. Woop, there it is.

You can also guess how it ends, although the lack of motion provides a welcome relief, actually. Admittedly, it's a well below average experience. I recommend the elevator.

SC2_GT · 07-02-2003, 09:42 PM

LOL....in a morbid kind of a way....LOL

Sucks to be you, I am the fool in the elevator.

Matt · 07-02-2003, 10:02 PM

http://www.tfclife.com/funpics/206_hi_there.jpg

eighthcloud · 07-02-2003, 10:27 PM

Ouch.

But way to go on the narrative of your vacation down the stairs!

how does one fall down 85 flights of stairs and live to tell about it? Ask EricB.

DarkApollo · 07-02-2003, 10:55 PM

uh. this had to be a spiral stair case cause there should have been a landing between the flights. unless it was a really long ramp of stairs.
yea. it SOUNDS painful, but something in my mind just isnt putting it all together.

KAdams4458 · 07-03-2003, 12:42 AM

Can't say I've ever fallen down more than one flight of stairs... But, there was that time that I drank close to two fifths of Vodka and woke up too soon the next morning. I sort of felt like I had fallen down 87 flights of stairs. Damn peer pressure.

2fast4all · 07-03-2003, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkApollo

uh. this had to be a spiral stair case cause there should have been a landing between the flights. unless it was a really long ramp of stairs.
yea. it SOUNDS painful, but something in my mind just isnt putting it all together.

I was thinking the same thing. You would have landed on the platform that comes after about 5-10 stairs! Or you were going so fast down that you just went right past them, but I dont think that was the case. You would have landed! But, that sucks man!
Nice job of telling us what you were thinking when you fell. Man! That must have hurt like a mother ****er! WOW!! I feel bad for you man.

CAmos · 07-03-2003, 05:24 AM

I am gonna print that out to read when I feel like I am having a bad day.

Thanks.

ericB · 07-03-2003, 06:41 AM

I really had a head of steam going and was careening off walls, railings, what have you.

I wouldn't do it again but if any of you learn something from this, then it was all worth it.

no...no it wasn't. If any of you learn anything from this, then you're in more need of psychiatric help than I am.

KillaSL2 · 07-03-2003, 07:02 AM

This did not actually happen did it?