 who wants to play tether-dog?
i posted this on another board thursday night. thought i'd share...
i've been dealing with a broken finger ('sup getting rear-ended while knuckle deep up the shnoz in stop n' go traffic?) for the past month. i have a follow up visit with the doctor bright and early tomorrow to see if the finger's healed up or if i have to keep wearing the splint.
well, tonight the dog, Molly, was barking to come inside. we have her on a cable out in the middle of the yard since the backyard is only fenced on two sides so i have to go out to get her to bring her in. she's got her usual puppy energy level dial up to "Crack Head" and can't even sit still as i wrestle around with her and try to attach her leash and disconnect the cable from her collar. dumbass that i am, i'm holding on to the collar with my bad hand. dog freaks, spins and i hear a clearly audible *POP* coming from my finger.
the stream of expletives is still echoing around the neighborhood over an hour later. i've received phone calls from irate neighbors with kids asking them what "m*ther f*cking douchebag piece of sh*t" means and if a dog's nose will really stick in it's own ass if enough epoxy is applied.
so i finally get the dog, now named You Stupid *****, wrangled and am heading back toward the house when she decides she's not going to climb the stairs up to the deck. she slips out of her collar and starts running wind sprints back and forth along the fence with the neighbor's dogs.
another string of expletives escapes my mouth at a volume that alarms even myself and is punctuated with a bullet throw of her food dish that would drop mike vick's jaw.
i try a couple times to catch her but she eludes me. i decided to just sit on the steps and let her run herself out. she walked up to me a couple times but when i would reach for her, she would go back to running with the other two dogs. a noise from another yard finally stops all three in their tracks about 12 feet from me. their attention held, i saw my opening and prepared to attack. i launch myself from the bottom step of the deck, aimed directly at You Stupid *****.
i was truly a sight to behold, an air-bourne missle of fleece and fury.
DIRECT HIT
i wrapped my arms around my target, just like Coach McGough used to scream at me in 9th grade football when that vein would pop out on his bright red forehead and his bloodshot irish eyes would bug out of their sockets. i grabbed You Stupid ***** by the scruff of her neck and pinned her to the ground as i wrapped the collar around her, dragged her stupid ass back into the house and tossed her into her kennel.
i love that stupid *****
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