haha welcome to the spot dude
that's funny, imagining some guy freakin out and screaming at his wipers..
i'd check the wiper motor, connections (i had my turn signals stay on one time, and it was just that the connector had popped off a little, and also take a look at the screws on the outside holding the wipers down-it sounds silly but my buddys honda did that and when we bolted down the nut real nice it stopped.
*shrug* either or, take it to saturn and get a free quote
edit: check the fuse box too, it's probably okay because they're running, but do it anyway
